Minecraft: Diary of a Wimpy Villager (Book 4): (An unofficial Minecraft book) Read online

  Diary of a Wimpy Villager

  Book IV

  Copyright 2015 Cube Kid

  All rights reserved. No part of this ebook may be reproduced in any manner, with the exception of brief excerpts. This handbook is for entertainment purposes only and is a complete work of fiction.

  This book is not official and has no association with the makers of Minecraft. All references to Minecraft and other trademarked properties are used in accordance to the Fair Use Doctrine.

  Minecraft is a trademark of Mojang AB, Sweden

  Minecraft ®/TM & © 2009-2013 Mojang / Notch

  Table of Contents

  SUNDAY

  SUNDAY NIGHT—SPECIAL UPDATE

  MONDAY

  TUESDAY

  WEDNESDAY

  THURSDAY

  FRIDAY

  SATURDAY

  SUNDAY

  MONDAY

  If you haven't read the first three books, grab them before starting this one. Otherwise, you'll be confused.

  SUNDAY

  My life is back to normal.

  By 'normal', I mean . . . it's just studying hard in school, and dealing with a few bullies.

  I no longer have to worry about Steve and Mike. They're teachers, starting tomorrow, and they're building their own houses.

  More importantly, the other villagers like them.

  Outsiders used to have a bad reputation around here.

  Before, when one of them walked into our village, everyone would be asking questions like:

  Who is he going to cheat?

  What is he going to steal?

  Why is his head so fuzzy?

  And . . . what is that funky smell?

  But all of that changed, the last two nights.

  Everyone realized, some outsiders aren't so bad. They might smell weird, but that's just the stench of zombie, spider and creeper guts. They often walk into the village covered in the stuff.

  In other words, some outsiders are really amazing warriors.

  I still can't believe how they handled those mobs.

  Steve took out a small army of zombies using TNT and an ender pearl.

  Mike defeated a group of witches with nothing more than a sword, a bucket and a leashed cow.

  That's how real warriors do it.

  Even Stump's grandma was impressed.

  And you can't impress her. You just can't.

  On her 80th birthday, Stump crafted the coolest cake ever for her. It had an enderman on it. His grandma really likes endermen, for some weird reason. When she saw the cake, though, all she said was, the enderman looked more like a cross between a squid and a bat.

  Hmm. Actually, maybe she had something there . . .

  Well, Stump's crafting ability wasn't so great, back then.

  Which means, back then, my own crafting ability was even wor——um, nevermind. I . . . forgot what I was about to say. Yeah. Don't you hate it when that happens?

  Anyway . . .

  What's important here is, Stump's grandma was actually impressed when Steve blew up the zombies and Mike made the witches cry.

  Everyone was.

  After that, a lot of people began to think that warriors are pretty cool.

  To give you an idea—

  Yesterday, a trader somehow recreated that special warrior scent, with something called 'cologne'.

  He put up advertisements all over the village.

  Yeah.

  Today, that trader sold out.

  Can you believe it? Even my dad bought a bottle.

  All of a sudden, it's become fashionable to smell like fermented slime.

  What that means is, more students are going to try their best to become a warrior, now.

  What that means is, I'll soon have way more competition.

  How annoying.

  My chances were low before, but now, they're pretty much zero.

  Or maybe they always were zero.

  After all, the mayor said . . .

  He said . . .

  "Runt . . . you are a noob . . ."

  He didn't even try to sugar coat things.

  If he did, he might have said something like, "You need to improve, sure, but maybe you will achieve your dream someday."

  Nope.

  There was no sugar coating of any kind—just the dry, crusty truth.

  He's right, too. The most warrior-like thing I've done is kick a baby slime through a window, and I was scared even then.

  Even though I've worked so hard, it just doesn't matter.

  Maybe some people are born to be great. Like Max. He's kept ahead of me in level this whole time, and he probably hasn't worked and studied half as hard as I have.

  It's not fair, you know?

  So, that's it.

  From now on, I'm just gonna focus on being a lumberjack or something. It's a much more realistic goal.

  That means, I'll no longer be writing in this diary. There's simply no more story to tell. It's not like a fairy tale where everything magically works out in the end.

  I failed, and that's that.

  Goodbye, diary.

  It's been fun.

  . . .

  . . .

  As if.

  Did you really think I'd just give up like that? Or listen to what the Mayor said? You should know me by now, unless you've just been looking at the pictures this whole time.

  (I can't imagine why you'd do such a thing, though. My artwork is super terrible.)

  Anyway, this isn't the end.

  The mayor is just another person I'm gonna prove wrong.

  I don't care about what he said. What does he know about combat, anyway? No matter what, as long as I finish in the top five, I can choose whatever profession I want.

  Some day, the mayor's gonna be saying something like: "You? A noob? Did I really say something so foolish? No, I always knew you were going to be the best, Sir Runt! Please forgive me, sir! Let me polish your sword for you!"

  From here on out, it's nothing but studying.

  No more helping Steve. No more snooping around. Just studying.

  And hey, if I really do fail, well . . . maybe I can try to become a perfume salesman like that other guy?

  Honestly, that sounds interesting.

  Hurrrrr.

  I guess it's time to go to the mayor's house.

  For that 'secret meeting' he was talking about.

  I'll update afterward.

  It's gonna be a special update.

  SUNDAY NIGHT—SPECIAL UPDATE

  WARNING:

  The following entry contains secret information.

  If you are a mob, and somehow stole this diary, just know, Steve will be hunting you. The only way to avoid a super painful death (involving cactus and/or lava) is to return this diary immediately.

  If you're a villager, then shame on you for stealing my diary. Also, reading this section is super against the law—not just against the law, but super against the law. The mayor's words (although I added the super part to make it sound more awesome and scary).

  For anyone else, you're probably reading a copy of my diary. That's cool, but just keep this following information to yourself, huh? And, if you're friends with any mobs . . . don't tell them anything.

  The warning is now over. You don't have to be scared anymore. If you started crying after reading this, I'm sorry.

  Let's focus on the meeting.

  So, I headed over to the mayor's house.

  I didn't want to, but his house always has a lot of food lying around.

  And basically, he told us s
tuff. Secret stuff. Stuff only the elders know.

  It didn't start off well, though.

  I did something really embarassing.

  ① Steve, Mike and I sat down at the mayor's dining room table.

  ② The mayor sat down afterward. He looked more gloomy than usual.

  ③ See the cookie on the table? I ate it. I was hungry, and thought it'd be a good idea. It wasn't a good idea.

  ④ No one spoke for a little bit. It was very quiet. So, when I chewed the cookie, the crunching sounds were loud. I guess everyone could hear it. It was awkward. I chopped chewing, then. The half-eaten cookie was just sitting in my mouth.

  ⑤ The mayor asked me a question. It was something boring like 'How are you?'. I couldn't respond because I had a cookie in my mouth. But I had to say something, so I tried swallowing the cookie, ended up choking, and spit crumbs all over the mayor's table.

  Thankfully, everyone ignored this. They acted like nothing happened.

  Still, there's some bad news. My diary was on the table when it happened. Open. Soggy crumbs all over the pages. I cleaned my best, but I probably missed a few crumbs.

  If you come across any chocolate smears from melted chocolate chips, now you know why.

  My apologies.

  Okay, let's focus on the meeting.

  The things the mayor told us, you may not fully understand.

  If you don't, that's cool, because I don't either.

  First, the mayor said:

  "Runt, I see you often write in that little diary of yours."

  "Yes," I said, staring down at the table. I was still angry at him, and embarassed about the cookie thing.

  "From now on," he said, "I want you to write down everything that goes on in this village."

  "Urrrrrrr . . . that's . . . what I've been doing."

  "Oh, okay. Excellent. Excellent. We'll have a record, then, in case our village ever gets utterly destroyed."

  Hurrrrrrr?

  Our village? Destroyed? What was he saying? How could that ever happen? A lot of thoughts like this swirled in my head.

  Mike finally spoke up:

  "Um, what's this all about?"

  The mayor stirred in his 'chair'—it was really just some upside down stairs, of course.

  "From what I understand," he said, "you two come from a place called Earth, correct?"

  The two warriors nodded.

  "And you play something called Minecraft," the mayor said. "A . . . computer game."

  Again, more nods. Their faces were showing a bit of confusion by now.

  "So, what?" said Mike. "We're trapped in the game, right?"

  "No, no." The mayor chuckled. "It's not like that at all."

  Mike shrugged. "I read a few books about people getting sucked into the game, so I just thought, maybe . . ."

  "It's not possible," Steve said. "There's just no way to get stuck in a computer game."

  "Whatever," Mike said. "I don't know about this stuff. Besides, I'd rather believe that we're trapped in the game than . . . the alternative . . ."

  (Naturally, I had no idea what they were talking about. I just sat there and listened, and tried to understand as best as I could.)

  "This is a real world," the mayor said. "Believe it." He paused for a moment. "I understand, computer games in your world depict imaginary places. Fantasy lands. However, Minecraft is very different. Minecraft is a crude simulation of this world. Minecraftia."

  The warriors glanced at each other, then back at the mayor.

  The mayor continued.

  "Minecraft is a test," he said. "Its purpose is to find those with real talent. In short, due to your abilities, you've been recruited and sent to this world. The one behind all of this is a wizard named Notch."

  "I don't believe it," said Steve. "Notch?"

  Mike almost laughed. "You're telling me . . . this world is real? And Notch is a wizard? From this world? Okay, this dream is over. Can I wake up now?"

  The mayor shot up from his 'chair'.

  He pounded the table with his fist.

  A few cookie crumbs, the dry ones, bounced around on the table.

  "This is no laughing matter!" he boomed, and in a lower voice, said: "I'll admit, I didn't believe it myself. Still, after watching you two fight, I realize now that it's true. So listen. Right now, the forces of Herobrine are—"

  "Herobrine?!"

  "Herobrine?!"

  Steve and Mike nearly jumped out of their chairs.

  "Silence!" The mayor pounded on the table again. "Look, we need your help. You Earthlings obviously know how to fight, so I hope you'll teach the students everything you can. Herobrine has been teaching all the mobs, showing them how to work together. The mobs have Herobrine . . . and now, we have you."

  (So, that explains why the mobs have been getting smarter. Who is this Herobrine, though? I'd never heard that name until today.)

  "Of course, Notch sent many others here," the mayor said. "Out there, in the wilderness, are many more just like you two. However, they still seem to think they're in the original game. So, they've done nothing but harass us, steal from us. They won't even talk. Maybe they'll listen to you though. Whenever you encounter them, I'd like you to spread the word."

  The mayor was referring here to the other outsiders.

  The trolls, noobs and griefers who have been causing trouble in our village.

  (So maybe that explains why they treat us so poorly. They think they're in the original game. So, to them, us villagers are just . . . um . . . game characters, without feelings.)

  There was a long silence.

  I just glanced between the two outsiders and the mayor.

  "How can we go back?" asked Steve at last. "Do you know anything about that?"

  The mayor shook his head.

  "I'm very sorry," he said. "I don't know anything. I'll try to find out for you, though. By the way, I will say, Notch is a great man. Surely he had no other choice than to send you here. That's all for now. Good night."

  With that, the mayor stood up and left the room.

  Eventually, Steve and Mike started talking again.

  Again, I really don't know what they were talking about.

  Another dimension.

  A parallel universe.

  An alternate reality.

  Blah, blah, blah. Such things make computers sound simple.

  Also, I have no idea who Herobrine is, but Steve and Mike seemed pretty freaked out just by hearing his name. And that name does sound a little scary.

  For the second time in my life, I began to question my decision to become a warrior.

  Maybe being a lumberjack isn't such a bad idea?

  I mean, how could I fail at being a lumberjack? Trees don't move. Or bite you. Or spit fireballs. Or sneak up on you and hiss and blow up half your house when you're least expecting it.

  Basically, tonight, I learned:

  ① The outsiders were sent here by a wizard named Notch.

  ② Some bad guy named Herobrine is the reason the mobs are getting smarter.

  ③ When you're in a quiet place with other people, don't eat something crunchy. Just don't.

  MONDAY

  Today, Steve and Mike taught the Intro To Combat class.

  As I originally assumed, the teachers split the huge 150-student class into two 75-student classes. Stump and I are in Steve's class.

  Steve went over the basics, and I mean the real basics, like how to position yourself properly in combat, how many swings it takes to kill a spider with a wooden sword.

  Still, Steve's mind was wandering all day.

  Sometimes, in the middle of class, he just spaced out.

  Steve was obviously thinking about what the mayor said last night.

  I forgive him because my combat score went up 7 points today.

  I leveled up, too.

  In other news, a lot of kids asked me about building.

  "Runt, can you give me some tips on raising my building score?"

&nb
sp; "Hey, will you teach me after class?"

  "How much do you charge? I heard one emerald per hour?"

  It was amusing, at first, but now it's just annoying.

  And that girl, Sara . . . she's way more friendly to me, recently, than she used to be.

  What, all I have to do is ace a building exam and suddenly people like me more? Why? I don't get it.

  Max is still as annoying as ever, though.

  He had to remind me of what the mayor said at least once:

  "How's it going, noob? By the way, is that an official profession in our village? Noob?"

  And then:

  "Actually, Runt, after seeing you take care of Steve, I'd say you're more like a nanny."

  Which led to:

  "Headnanny Runt, I'm just wondering how I'm doing. I've swept the school floor. I've scrubbed it and mopped it and even polished it with a slimeball. I hope to become an awesome nanny like you. Please tell me how I'm doing."

  It's only gonna get worse, too.

  Once Max learns the mayor asked about my diary, he's gonna explode.

  I'm assuming he'll try something like putting boogers in my diary . . .

  (He did that to Stump's record book the other day.)

  TUESDAY

  This morning, while Stump and I walked to school, we saw an outsider.

  A warrior, I guess.

  Stump tried talking to him. He said his name was Joe.

  He didn't say much after telling us his name, just took off.

  He probably didn't have much to say, anyway. He looked like a warrior, but he was probably a bad one.

  I mean, who wears gold armor? Both durability and protection are trash-tier.

  Well, after school, we saw Joe again.

  At first, Stump and I just ignored him while he walked down the gravel road.

  Then an idea hit me.

  The idea hit me so hard, it was like an arrow shot from a bow enchanted with Punch II.